Have you ever been completely overwhelmed by the million things you wanted to say and a whole load of emotions that well up inside of that you do not even know how to begin to express it all? Until you are sort of numb? Until you say nothing at all, yet feel everything?
I have a day every month, I kid you not, when these feelings knock me over and I am forced to put everything on pause just so I can get to the bottom of the clutter within my soul.
I come face to face with my frustrations, confessions, realizations, debates on what and who I am in an ever-evolving world and the feeling of emptiness that likes to pop its head up in my moments of solitude, like a woman seeing her reflection in the mirror.
My heart and soul are hard to ignore as I often find myself bored with ‘bubblegum trends and bubblegum insights. I need that which is real constantly for me to feel rooted in existence.
So, I discover within myself, anger towards the lack of things going according to my plan and to people who choose to be an obstacle to my “grand plan” (lol I bet they have a term for these feelings).
I also discover the feelings of inadequacy that come after every song I write and every song I sing, stemming from the belief that I can do way better (it is wild in my mind I tell you, the constant desire to improve drives me nuts…sometimes)
And I could say I hate it and wish for the whole process to stop BUT I will admit I don’t want it to stop at all. I have come to know and understand that all the emotional noise I experience every so often is part of what keeps me hungry, eager to learn more and constantly work on myself and my craft as a musician, songwriter and whatever else I do.
Much as we can be satisfied and happy with what we have accomplished thus far in life, may we never grow complacent and stop pushing ourselves because you and I both know there is a lot more that we can become and do if we keep on challenging ourselves.